perfectlie | ic contact

It's aggravating.

[ not really. it's the sort of thing kaname wants from others, really. what he likes about tatsumi and what he hates about him in turn -- being seen is as mortifying as it is intoxicating. he rests his cheek in a hand and sighs. ]

But it makes him a brilliant idol, and... a wonderful friend. [ it's so much easier to praise people when they aren't around. kaname's closing his eyes. ] It's strange to say, but I don't want to imagine a future without him in it.

[ ..................

clearing his throat. ]

O-Or the others. Like Ala, who is another friend of mine. She is by far the most chaotic girl I have ever met, but she's also-- she's similar to Hiiro in a few ways, even if she's actually dangerous, but she's still a good friend.

[ y yeah yup it's fine ]

[Ah, yes, Ala. She definitely almost killed Niki multiple times. He completely understands where Kaname is coming from with that. But he doesn't say that, he just smiles as he takes another drink.]

There are a lot of wonderful people here, huh?

[It's a bit bittersweet, although Niki had been distinctly aware of that from the start. This place was cruel, and... they were just idols, they shouldn't have to be here, but...]

I didn't actually know a lot of people before I got here, so it's been pretty nice getting to meet everyone. Having so many friends to share meals with really is the best. ♪

[Their own house had gotten emptier with regard to roommates, but it was okay. Every person that stopped by even just for a quick snack was something that Niki would probably treasure for a long time. He's never had so many people that he felt like he could call real friends.]

I don't really know what a lot of them are like as idols, but... I think I can imagine it. And I think that's true for everyone. I think they all shine bright in their own ways. You, too, Yodaka-kun!

[ jury's out on if she still wants to kill kaname to make him her forever friend but he, too, has nearly died because of her. but he didn't realize it so it's fine. ]

... Of course. Though if you've seen my brother perform, then you've seen me perform as well; I followed quite closely in his footsteps.

[ it's the other way around, but whatever. there's differences between them, he's sure... his brother is undoubtedly more polished, more precise and without a moment's inefficiency, because that's just how he is -- an ideal idol, what an idol should be, selling a fantasy. but people smile at kaname's performances and say he looks like he's having fun (he is, he is) so

maybe that's okay. ]

I've gotten used to it by now, but I thought you all were such strange examples of idols -- to the point that I doubted you were, despite knowing better. You were all so very...

[ ... it isn't that he's looking for a kind way to put it, because he wouldn't waste time on that, but the word in general -- they were all so... ]

... Mundane. Your lives expanded outside of that sphere, and it felt like being an idol was simply secondary. Naturally it was better that way, given the poor state of this town, but it was... hard to wrap my mind around. [ he was jealous, too. that they had an existence more firmly rooted than his own. ] It made everything that was so big back home small in comparison.

[ things that felt like life or death, things that weighed heavier than that should -- like a frog in a well, as soon as he left the darkness he knew for the unknown he found just how big the world could be. and it only strengthened his desire to sing. ]

[Hmm, he definitely remembers him saying that his brother had no interest in being an idol, though...

There are implications here, but if Niki thinks too hard about them, he might have to eat more cookies and they aren't for him!! So he'll put a pin in that for now.]

Nahaha, I think a lot of us had other plans before we became idols, so maybe that's why? I definitely didn't grow up thinking I would be one.

[It wasn't a thought that had ever even crossed his mind, not until he met Rinne, whose eyes sparkled whenever he talked about them. He'd never imagined he'd be anything but a chef. There was also the whole blackmail thing, but you know.]

But you're right, it probably worked out better this way. [They weren't suited to this place... but the Amagis' hunting skills had been an integral part of their survival here. Kanata's knowledge and skills with fish had been useful back when they still had fish. Mayoi and Nazuna could mend clothes, and they could help with the cooking, too...] Everyone has something they're good at that makes our lives a little easier. People are pretty amazing, right? ♪

...I kinda miss it, though. Life was better when all I had to worry about was if I was going to be fired or not.

[He'd learned a lot since coming here, so it wasn't all bad. The future looked a lot brighter, actually. But he also missed the time where he didn't have to worry about weird things like death and demons and monsters and everything in between. It really was a simpler time.]

What a simple life you lived, Shiina.

[ but it's not mean or bitter, it's a little... resigned...? maybe, that flavor of melancholy. sips his drink. ]

... Not that it's too different than anyone else's. Even students like myself have to take care when debuting in the industry, since we're stepping into an adult world earlier than many of our peers. Good enough idols don't have to worry about being dismissed, though.

[ they can afford a misstep if it's reacted to smoothly enough, or making an odd answer to a question part of their charm... but they pile up, too. especially if you're not good at either. ]

Regardless, I suppose what it boils down to is the same: the problems you knew are preferable to the ones that've yet to come.

[Niki's not bothered by it. He did live a simple life, after all. He's a very simple person! Although he wonders if he should say it's not a matter of being good or bad, it's a matter of the idol industry being terrible, actually...

That's kind of a depressing thought, though, so maybe he shouldn't. It's not really about that, anyway, so he just nods.]

Yep, you can say that again~. [Niki had already dealt with one of the worst possible scenarios when he arrived here, so there was actually very little he was afraid of at this point... But the thing he was afraid of was still a big enough deal that it fueled everything he did now.] I try not to get stressed out about stuff because it just makes me hungrier, but that doesn't mean it isn't troublesome.

[That isn't the only reason, of course. Even more than that, he didn't want to stress out the people he cared about. They had enough problems on their hands without worrying about him more than he knew they already did.]

I think things will work out one way or another, though. Everyone here is really strong in their own ways. It'd just be nice if our problems were that simple again.

[Maybe he's just tired of worrying about death all the time.]

[ well. now he can't say he almost prefers having to worry if he's going to live or die the next day, since that's less stressful than filling shoes he has no business wearing. just because the problems back home are small and far off doesn't mean they aren't heavy. ]

... Mm. Certainly.

[ at least some of kaname's troubles are easing as he gets used to them, as he accepts them bit by bit as good troubles to have versus things that could ruin what he's got, and the ones that aren't easing he can simply avoid for the time being. he can pick and choose when he wants to deal with them. it's fine.

nothing shiina needs to hear about, since it'd just make things complicated on his brother's end, but it's fine. ]

Shiina, I feel this is to your strengths more, but will you answer a rather silly question for me?

[If it's to his strengths, that can only mean it's about food, right? With that in mind, Niki answers easily (though really, his answer would be yes either way). Anything for his friend's little brother!]

Sure, what's up?

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?

[ he wants to see something. ]

[Oh. He tilts his head at that.]

Hmm... That's kind of a tough question. I'm not sure I am like one. I mean, even the least nutritious fruits and vegetables can still be pretty tasty, right? There's no such thing as a useless ingredient. Even potatoes or celery are more useful than me.

[He says this completely casually, like it's the most normal thing in the world.]

[ ...

shiina gets a taste of what everyone else gets right now as kaname kicks him from under the table. ]

Answer properly, Shiina. I can't stand people who put themselves down. If you need an example, I said I'd want to be a tomato.

Ahaha, I'm just stating a fact. I think comparing myself to food is doing a disservice to the food. [He's not trying to put himself down. It's more like something that just happened in the process.] I don't even know if I could provide empty calories, because I usually don't have any to spare.

[There are so many implications here! But his answer is sincere: he doesn't think he has as much value as something like food, which is a necessity to live. How can he compare to that? That doesn't mean he thinks the same is true for others, though, so he asks:]

Why would you be a tomato?

[ hm... that's an acceptable train of thought, he supposes -- very chef like. when the question's turned to him, he gives the same easy answer he had amagi: ]

Because it's efficient. Why would I bother thinking so seriously about such a stupid question when that particular fruitable does the job of both?

[ it's smart!!!! he is such a smart boy!!!!! this is definitely an answer that would charm people and not put them off or make a variety show's mood dip. ]

[Ahh, he totally thought too hard about it, huh... It's kind of a little embarrassing! But that's normal for him. He always thought too hard about things that involved food. Oh well. He still appreciates Kaname's answer.]

Nahaha, that is efficient! Just the kind of answer you'd expect from a real idol. ♪

[Isn't he also a real idol, though?!]

[ hee. a real idol... just like tatsumi, just like his brother. kamame preens. ]

You're a real idol as well, Shiina -- you've debuted, haven't you? Your fans would adore an answer like that. It's very you to think so hard about it.

[ yes, those at ES certainly are lucky... no, even now with how CosPro seems to have changed -- kaname can't help but envy it. would he be able to look forward to the same in a few years time? is it thanks to tatsumi's ideals?

... was he able to be of help in some way, despite the rejection? ]

I believe mine would expect a more thoughtful answer, on the other hand.

I don't know if that's an endearing trait of mine, though...

[He's not sure what about himself is endearing, actually, aside from his ponytail (very cute). But that's something he'd rather not think too hard about!]

So did you choose your answer because it's not what people would expect?

... No. Simply because the person I am on stage, and the person I am off it, are two different existences entirely.

[ in a more literal sense, but he can't tell shiina that. ]

I can play the part well enough -- if I can't be who they expect me to be, then I have no right to stand before them -- but my stage persona is what others want to see me as rather than who I am. So for them, I'd give it thought, I'd weigh the pros and cons, and finally I would come out to a different answer than the one I gave you just now.

[ ... and he knows the other'll ask what that answer is anyway, so he straightens a bit more with a slight smile, speaking with an even but friendly tilt in his voice -- as if he was really being interviewed. ]

An idol must be versatile, beloved, and able to compliment any dish he may be paired with -- a potato certainly fits those particular specifications, doesn't it?

That's a pretty cool answer, too. You've totally thought of everything, huh?

[For as obviously inexperienced as Kaname was at other things, he was very much an idol.]

I forget it's important to think about what people want you to be sometimes. I mean, we're pretty un-idol-like, usually~.

[Though you still have to know what an idol should be like in order to not be like them, he supposes. He didn't think too hard about it most of the time, though it wasn't like he was unaware of what people thought of him or anything, either. They just did things a little (or a lot) differently.]

[ born and raised baby!!!! good at one thing and fumbling through the rest!!! being praised for it though does... make him feel good, of course -- he only put what he learned (from reimei, from a voice on the phone) to use -- but at the same time

at the same time, it's more he should be happy instead. kaname eases back against his seat and crosses his arms, hmphing softly. ]

Indeed. Though it's admittedly a rising charm point for fans to be ever-closer to their idols due to behavior like that, I can't help but be against it. We're selling a fantasy, you know? A perfect, dream-like performance, from perfect, dream-like performers -- a world where they can escape their dreary or painful lives for even a moment, invited to a land of glittering stars, of song and dance. Being too "un-idol-like" ruins that.

[ ... ]

But whatever works for you all, I suppose.

[ he won't... knock it so much, since it's based in jealously. to be loved for who you are, rather than what someone thinks of you or wants you to be -- how nice. ]

[Some might be put off by that sort of response, but Niki isn't. He's pretty understanding anyway, but it probably helps that his feelings about idols aren't quite like everyone else's, either. Niki smiles despite the sort of critical response.]

That's probably true. I don't know if we'd survive if we were normal idols, though. [Because Rinne had tried that and failed, and because Crazy:B was meant to crash and burn anyway. It's a miracle things don't turn out that way, though he doesn't know the details of how it actually works out. But...] I'm pretty bad at pretending to be normal, so it's better for us that way.

[They weren't normal and they weren't perfect. They could... probably should pretend to be, but they wouldn't just be lying to the audience, they'd be lying to themselves, too. And for what? They weren't meant to succeed.]

But there are a lot of foods that aren't for everyone, and I think we're kinda like that, too. Some flavors and textures might be terrible to us, but for others, they might be just right, you know? We all have very different tastes, after all.

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